|
|
Thursday, April 21st, 2005
|
|
|
Ok this time I'm really keeping up with the entries. I have the internet at my house finally...and this is a good thing. Happiness. :o)
Lots and lots of things have changed in my life the past couple years. Pretty much everything actually. Most things are good things...and a couple of things I am still missing that I wish I could bring back. Sadly...I'm not too sure they will ever come back. Maybe in years...maybe never. I know I'm speaking quite vaguely right now but there are not many other options at this point. Ah well.
I am in 2 different bands now. My dream...to play and make music that I love with my best friends. There's nothing like it. My band "She's the Car" will be doing a 3 1/2 week tour this summer of the east coast with our friends "The Human Flight Committee". I know there's no other way than for it to be amazing.
Well I have school tomorrow so this will be it for now. Sweet dreams.
<3
|
|
Comments: Add Your Own.
|
|
Thursday, October 30th, 2003
|
|
|
Gah! I might be going to Philly tomorrow...with no money but it will still rule. I'm kinda sick today so I hope I feel better by then, but I would just go anyway...I don't care! <3 <3 <3
|
|
Comments: Add Your Own.
|
|
Tuesday, October 28th, 2003
|
|
|
I've been thinking too much...
We did so many things together that I miss. The way you would smile at me and tell me you love me, the softness of your lips and how they comforted me. How we would hold hands in the car while singing along to our cds...your funny hair and how it stuck up all over the place, your green eyes, your cute little tummy. I just ate pasta for lunch with meat sauce that I bought. We used to make our own meat sauce remember? I wouldn't make it alone, just like I don't make it alone now. I miss touching your face even though it tickeled and you didn't like it sometimes....(I still did it anyway.) Our road trip to Florida, being out in the middle of nowhere alone on the way there, south of the border in Dillon S.C., my grammy's amazing dinners and hot tub at night, trying to find our way around Fort Myers, the nice hotel in Virginia on the way back with the glass shower...watching you sing, and play bass at your many shows where you were the happiest. Falling asleep with my arms around you, falling asleep with my head on your chest while you watched tv. Sleeping next to you...waking up to you every morning. All the holidays. All the cute little gifts you would buy. Your visits to me at my work...my visits to you at work...sharing my car for months. Driving around just being with you...kissing you...cutting your hair...making fun of people. Going to Beverly to see my dad, going to Maine to see my mom, going to visit your grandfather and Edna. The long hugs...rubbing your feet...kissing your tummy...crying to you when I am upset...comforting me...being there for me...just being you...I miss you so much and I will always love you more than anything...forever. <3
|
|
Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
|
|
|
Yeah, so I've been up since 7:30am because for some reason I couldn't sleep anymore. It sucks because I didn't go to bed till 1:30. I have that no-sleep stomach ache thing and it's not too fun. Maybe it was all the bad dreams that made me want to cry when I woke up. Those are the worst. The scary thing is though they might be partially true...I have yet to find out and be miserable about it. Can't I just forget about things and try to have my life back to normal?...apparently that's close to impossible.
Moving on...it was a long but awesome weekend. The party Magi and I had was rediculous. There were so many people in our apartment you could barely walk around. Joe, Lina, Dave, and Colin showed up...it was sweet. When I called Joe he played a trick on me and told me that they weren't going to come anymore, then when I hung up the phone and was all sad, they walked through the door. Haha. They didn't stay long, and I left with them because I was getting tired of all the noise and wanted to do something else. I ended up staying over Joe and Lina's house, and then going to thrift stores all day on Saturday and going to his band's show at night. We had chinese food when we got there....mmmmmmm. Then I went to see my Dad and brother on Sunday, and we went out for dinner in celebration of my brother's birthday. Then I visited my friend John across the street before heading home. Traffic on the Mass Pike blows!
I might be going to Philly and Virginia this weekend...not too sure yet. But if I do I'm sure it will be amazing. I love long trips and being on the road, and going to new places that I've never been before.
In other news, I got a job yesterday! Wohoo! The search has ended. Prints Plus hired me in Marlboro and they are going to start me off with a good amount of money. Also a good amount of hours which I've never really had. Jen works there so it will be extra fun, and the manager is one of the nicest people too. Maybe finally I will have a decent job that treats me right...huh?
I should leave this horrid world wide web and get a move on for the day since I have an extra early start don't you think? Maybe Starbucks will make me smile!!! <3 <3 <3
|
|
Comments: Add Your Own.
|
|
Monday, October 20th, 2003
|
| Subject: | Ugh... |
| Time: | 10:28 pm. |
| Mood: |  pissed off. | | Music: | Coldplay-Daylight..though the whole album is fucking amazing. |
|
I am in such a bad mood. Fucking hopeless...did I ever mention that girls are the worst thing in this world? Well I CAN'T MENTION IT ENOUGH! In other news...
The Fire Theft on Saturday night was amazing. Jeremy's voice was burnt out because it was the last night of the tour. It still sounded good though...and Will Goldsmith's cymbals are fucking enormous.
It sucks when you have something to think about that makes you smile, and then it blows up in your face and says..."Hey Jess! There is no hope!" NOTHING goes right in my life EVER.
This was officially the worst bad-mood entry I have written yet...sorry everyone. <3
|
|
Comments: Add Your Own.
|
|
Thursday, October 16th, 2003
|
|
|
Not a fun time. I don't know what to do!
So I was talking to my friend Joe today and he said he was going to come to my party next friday with his girlfriend and possibly someone else :o) We shall see!!! Either way, it's going to be a rockin' good time. There should be a pretty decent amount of people over here. If you are my friend and you are reading this and you want to come...IM or e-mail me at Psyc0chic@aol.com, and I shall give you some directions.
Right now I'm talking to long lost Erik, and he said he is going to try to make it too. I hope he does. I haven't seen him in a friggin year!
So I've had this craving for rotisserie Chicken for 2 days now. And I'm trying to get a hold of my roommate so we can swing by Price Chopper and get some, and make some carrots too. Mashed potatoes would be amazing also! Mmmmmmmm.
Ok enough about food, and enough about this entry...I'm leaving now!
<3 xoh
|
|
Comments: Add Your Own.
|
|
Tuesday, October 14th, 2003
|
|
|
A long, but turned out fun weekend. I didn't really want to work at the Palladium last night but I'm glad I did! The last band Orange Island was so awesome. My friend Joe plays guitar but I had no clue what they sounded like or anything. It was their CD release party at the club, followed by a party at Joe's house. It was a really good time. I was hesitant on going to Joe's house cuz I really didn't know anyone, but I met a lot of cool people. Hopefully a good crowd will show up to me and Magi's party on the 24th. It's coming soon!
Magi and I have a cat now. Well it was her family's cat and they gave him to us. His name is Otis and he is a beautiful Persian cat. He is my buddy and sleeps at the end of my bed at night.
Today I went to Beverly again and hung out with my buddy Rachel. We cruised around the town and I got a pina colada smoothie at the Atomic cafe. Mmmmm. Then I went to my dad's and hung out for a couple of hours. Now I'm back in Worcester at my house, and going to bed soon so I can go pointless job hunting again because there is nothing! GAH!
Sweet dreams world...<3
|
|
Comments: Add Your Own.
|
|
Sunday, October 12th, 2003
|
|
|
I had an awesome time on Friday. Dane Cook is going to marry me...he said so. Funniest man alive. I don't think I've ever cried from laughing so hard, until then. Holy Crap.
My long lost friend Johanna wrote me a Friendster message today. I really miss her. She moved to Florida a few years ago when we were still in highschool. I think I might visit her in January if I can save enough money. We would have a crazy time. Maybe Jess will come with me too.
Tonight I'm working at the Palladium...I really wanted to see one of the bands but I need the money way more so I'm going to work at the box office instead. Sigh...
I have been playing piano a ton more lately, considering I just sit here everyday and do nothing. It feels great to be playing again. Maybe something will come of it someday and I will be signing autographs! Haha.
I'm off for now...peace.
|
|
Comments: Add Your Own.
|
|
Friday, October 10th, 2003
|
|
|
...with Dane Cook. Tonight, I will be traveling up to UNH to see him live, and I am so excited. I think I might ask him to marry me. Hehe. There are a whole crowd of us going...aaron, brian, chris, sam, mark, and a bunch of others. It should be a wonderful time of histeric laughing and craziness, which will hopefully cheer me up.
I haven't been doing that well lately, I dunno what is going on. By the way things are going I should be having an easier time letting go of everything, but nothing seems to work. I gotta figure something out before I shrivel and die here...
My mom also wrote me a really long and sad e-mail that made me cry for a while. I never see her anymore. She used to be my best friend and is so different now. She was telling me how sick she has been lately and how much she misses me. She also mentioned how she missed my dad which totally killed me. I wish the 4 of us could be back in the ranch house in Beverly again. I'm so numb right now. Nothing seems to matter anymore. I feel nothing but depressed and lonely and regretful. I want someone to take care of me again...
|
|
Comments: Add Your Own.
|
|
|
I want love, if love wants me...
Goodnight world...it's a full moon.
|
|
Comments: Add Your Own.
|
|
Thursday, October 9th, 2003
|
|
|
Haha...working at the Palladium is SOOO funny. You get to laugh at the people you hate and say silly things about them behind the glass window and they won't even hear you. Not that I'm afraid to say whatever to their face, but it's still a good time.
My new friend Chris...He goes to Berkeley school of music in Boston. That's where I want to go. He rules.
Went to my dad's in my hometown last night. It sucked. I showed up and he was sick, and my friend James wasn't home to hang out, and my grandmother was being a bitch, so I left crying cuz she is mean. Then I came home and hung out with Zack, and then slept for a long time. Today is another job hunting day.
This weekend...Dane Cook tomorrow night. Then possible stay over in NH and see HFC on Saturday, or go home and go to a block party, and then to a different show. Sunday was a possible go home and go to the fair with Rachel...I miss that girl. Then no school on Monday or Tuesday cuz I rule. See, when your whole life is a mess you have to fill up your entire schedule so you don't think too much about how miserable you are. Eventually that feeling is supposed to go away without needing a full schedule. I can't see that happening anytime soon.
I don't want anyone. I don't want to kiss anyone, or be a girlfriend. I just want to have friends and not be upset all the time. Is that too much to ask???
<3
p.s. However I would like someone to love me and show it...
|
|
Comments: Add Your Own.
|
|
Tuesday, October 7th, 2003
|
|
|
Just a little something for you all to enjoy. I know I did..."Girls are stupid and a waste of time. If you get into a relationship and it's gonna end shitty like most do, then you have just wasted a piece of your heart on someone who didn't appreciate it."-Christopher Paul Diamantis
What an awesome encouragement. And no, this man is not an author...he is my ex-boyfriend. He posted this on the internet at another site, so I'm just helping him out a little bit to spread the word. Don't you love it when someone tells you how you feel? And what you think? God forbid if I know me better than someone thinks they know me...This is probably the worst thing in my life that I have ever had to go through, and you know what? This bullshit doesn't help, when I am trying to make things better. Some people are just so stubborn and mean. </3 (Broken heart)
|
|
Comments: Add Your Own.
|
|
Wednesday, September 17th, 2003
|
|
|
Hmm...another disappearance by me, but I am finally here to stay. I have my own computer with DSL now, AND my own apartment so I will finally be able to start posting regularly again. I know no one reads this thing but it's fun for me!
Anyway, sooooo much has happened I really don't feel like talking about right now. I just woke up from a two hour nap and I feel all messed up. You know the kind of naps you take to forget about everything for a while? It was definately one of those. Wish I could sleep for a fucking week. But even still, when I finally wake up everything would still be exactly the same.
So I'm now living right down the road from Worcester in an enormous 3 bedroom apartment with my wonderful roommate Magi! We've only been officially living here for a few weeks but it's been a rockin' time so far.
I'm still going to the same school as last year but this time since I am taking day classes, I'm meeting TONS of people. It's pretty cool for me considering I really didn't do much of the hanging out with friends deal all last year. After class today I hung out with T.J. and Zach (sp?) for a couple hours. It was cool. There is a possibility of candlepin bowling with a few others on Friday night. Hopefully all goes well.
Yesterday I purchased the new Thursday album. I fucking hated it at first but it's really starting to grow on me. That usually happens with me and music for some reason. I guess I might be picky???
Well I'm going to close for now but it's pretty cool being back on the good 'ol livejournal. I should post something every day or...whenever I feel the need. Until then...peace, love and tatoes...
|
|
Comments: Add Your Own.
|
|
Wednesday, April 2nd, 2003
|
|
|
|
Looks like I'm back. Thought this thing dissappeared a while ago.
|
|
Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
|
|
Thursday, September 5th, 2002
|
|
|
I just woke up and my tummy hurts a lot. I have my first night of classes tonight at school. I went home yesterday to pack up some more stuff...it was sad. I never thought I would miss Beverly. Yeah it sucks many a time but I still have lived there since I was 5 years old. And my mom is gone with my brother, living in Maine. I don't know if it's just that I'm older and smarter now or what but she has changed a lot. I still love her just as much but she hasn't been acting like the "best friend" mom lately. I miss that. And I'm going to miss my friends a lot too. Most of them went off to school anyway but some stayed behind. I'm still going to visit once in a while, and my dad still lives there but living almost an hour and a half away really makes a difference. I wasn't really expecting that. I like it here in Worcester but I'm sure going to miss the old place.
I couldn't tell you one thing that has stayed the same since last year. My parents aren't together anymore. (Well 2 years now but it's still crappy.) My mom and brother just moved away. I just moved away. I have an awesome boyfriend wich I never thought would happen. I'm in "college" or whatever. I've lost my bestest friend in the world and I feel terrible. All the rest of my friends are away at school. I'm not in my band for the time being. I just don't know what to do anymore. Someone help me...UGH.
So on a better note, I got a job at Hot Topic yesterday. Wohoo! It was a long process but it was woth it. I start next Wednesday. This Tortilla Sam's job isn't going to work out. It's way too stressful when you have to make tortillas for the whole friggin' restaurant as well as make food for 5 takeout people at once, answer phone calls, and at the same time have the owner telling you, you aren't fast enough even though it's only your 4th day. No way, I am done with that. Hah.
Well I'm going to close for now. I have some stuff to do. Maybe Marc will want to go to that free lunch at school with me! Mmmmm...school lunch. Haha. Maybe college food won't be so bad. <3 <3 <3
|
|
Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
|
|
Monday, August 26th, 2002
|
|
|
My car is all fixed. 315 bucks yo. It could have been worse I guess. Now since almost everything has been fixed with this car in the past 8 months, it should work 100% for a long time (let's hope.) I want a VW Golf so bad!
Yeah...so I have a 10 hour shift at work on Friday night. Good thing I like my job! Hah.
Not too much to write about today...I'm feeling a little bit better since EVERYTHING went wrong. Well...everything but one thing. <3 I think I might have a fun time tonight. Sounds like a plan. *** :o)
|
|
Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
|
|
Saturday, August 24th, 2002
|
|
|
So Marc, Chris, and I went up to Maine to visit my mom in her new place on Wednesday night. She went out for a bit to pick up her boyfriend after she made a nice chicken dinner for us. It was so awesome when they walked in the door and he was too drunk to talk to us. He swore something under his breath, took the trash out, ate, and went to bed.
The next morning I was woken up at 10:30am after a terrible night sleep. Came out to get breakfast, and the first thing I hear while I'm pouring my cereal was; "God, what a beautiful pair of legs you got there!" Hah, hardly. I turn around and it's my mom's boyfriend's cousin. Fucking takes his wedding ring off, puts it in his pocket, and asks me to marry him (kiddingly) but I hardly thought it was funny. If Chris was in the room when he was saying all this stuff he would have knocked him out. So he kept throwing remarks like that to me and giving me looks and stuff, for the rest of the time we were there. Sketchy. Then 20 minutes later his wife comes. She's the definition of white trash. (It's Maine, what can I say?)
Yeah, so my mom has the best boyfriend in the world and the coolest friends ever. Or not...(but it gets worse.)
My grandmother is up from Florida staying with my aunt. So when we leave my mom's house we go there. God I missed them. We could only stay for a little bit because we had to get back for their band practice. All was well until I asked them what they thought of my mom's boyfriend. They made disgusted faces and didn't say anything. Then they said they didn't like him at all. Turns out he is some fucked up loser who is on paroll from jail. He goes back for many many years if a trace of Alcohol or drugs is found in his system again. (I would have busted him and put him away for years the night before if I knew that.) In addition to that, he is very disrespectful to my mom and has called her names in front of my Grandmother and cousins. Nice guy. I'm really worried about my brother living in an environment like this. He's moving up there too and I'm afraid. My mom doesn't even know I know his background...what can I do? If something bad happens to either one of them because of him, I would feel like it's my fault because I know and didn't say anything or do anything about it. But I can't say anything! Fuck.
So we leave after a little while longer and I'm all upset for the ride home...(still am.) 25 minutes from Chris' house my car overheats and we break down. We open the hood after a few minutes to find that the cooling fluid has exploded all over the front of the car and a belt is loose. What else could go wrong? Just wait till I explain Friday. Anyways...a state cop pulls over and helps us out by calling AAA for a tow truck. Since there were 3 of us and only 2 could fit in the truck, the cop took Chris to the nearest gas station in Hudson where we could pick him up, once we got towed to Worcester and called someone for a ride to pick him up.
The tow ride was very strange. This guy was blasting Puddle of Mudd out of the speakers, singing and rocking out very loudly. At the same time, he was driving very agressively and swearing at the cars as we passed. The music got worse (too tired of this story already to explain.) We were dropped off at the Mobil station on Park Ave. When the guy unhitched my car, a piece of the Alternator fell out of the bottom. Awesome...just got that replaced last summer. It was after 5 so there was no one there to service the car. We gave them my key and information and walked down on Lincoln street to find out what to do. When we called, nobody was at Marc's or Chris' house to come and get us. So we walked to Jenny's house and she wasn't home. I didn't have my list of numbers with me so we were screwed there too. Randomly on the corner of the street we were on was Mulligan's guy waiting for a ride. He had a cell phone on him with Hardcore Ashley's number in it. YAY! So we called her, woke her up, and she picked us up at Tortilla Sam's 15 minutes later. (Thanks Ashley, you're the best.) Now all we have to do it get Chris...HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
We drove all the way back to Hudson on 495 to NOT find Chris. We took the exit that we thought the cop told us to take...as well as many others, except for the one he was waiting at. Of course. We freak out and are on our way back to Worcester to check the messages at his house to see if he had left any. His mom calls right when we reached Worcester to tell us he had left a message. He was on exit 28, not the other 4 exits we checked. We drive all the way back...and get him...2 and a half hours later! He had been sitting out there waiting for us in the rain. (Poor kid.) We went out to Bickford's after, which was the highlight of the past 3 days for sure.
Almost done...next day I worked wich was fun. (No really, I love my job.) Marc and Chris picked me up at 2pm and went to Jenny's house because I was to meet the Landlord of the Apartment we would move into in October. That particular building is hesitant to have students because they don't want any parties. So that's fine. I'm nice. I'll show them that I'm a responsible person. Jenny doesn't answer her door so we drive to her work and she had taken the day off. Hmmm...we go back to her apartment and knock again. What the heck!? No answer. Sigh. We drive to the Mobil on Park Ave. to check on my car, as well as use the payphone to call her. We figured she would be with Matt so we call his cell phone. She said she had been trying to reach me for the past couple days because she really wanted to talk to me. Quote: "Jess, I've been praying a lot this past week and really beating myself up over this...but I don't think it's going to work out with you moving in. I'm sorry. God said it's not right anymore."
Now what the FUCK am I supposed to say to that? I couldn't stop crying for the next hour. Did I do something wrong? No. She had no reason to do that. I have been busting my ass off trying to get everything straightened out with all of this like job, school, and more. Once everything is all ok I get THIS. If God thought it wasn't a good idea, then how come he said it was in the first place? There is something not right. She just seemed way too sketchy by telling me this late in the game. There is definately something wrong here. If she is going to be like that...I guess it is better this way.
So I am going to live with Chris. I just have to figure out when I'm going to get my stuff here. When I get my car back and BLA BLA BLA. It will be kinda tight at first but we'll get used to it. It will be fun! I am still in shock of how bad I have been screwed over though...by one of my good friends. I knew getting this place and everything working out for me was too good to be true.
So there has been my life for the past 3 days. Hope you enjoyed it. I certainly didn't. I just have to keep telling myself that it can't get any worse than this. It can only get better...<3
|
|
Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
|
|
Tuesday, August 13th, 2002
|
|
|
Should I dare write in this thing again? I can't even say anything without getting mean and terrible comments, and when I finally ignore them...they still happen. See for yourself on the last 2 entries. I mean come on...how old are we now? Tomorrow hopefully everything will be cleared up. Thankyou to the people who have said something to him already. <3
Dasai is also playing tomorrow. I'm sick of shows at the moment but I will be there anyway. I haven't seen Dasai in a couple months at least so it will be a fun time. We'll most likely have a kickball game after too.
Today I have to drive to Grafton and see if the icecream place still wants me to work there. They are only open for another month or so but that will get me a job for the meantime. I guess they tried to call my cell phone when I was away but it had been shut off. UGH. I just found out they were trying to reach me a couple days ago too and it might be too late. Sure hope not... :o(
I guess all the job searching paid off because I have an automated telephone interview with Hot Topic. If they like me I could work in the Auburn one, or the Greendale mall store that should be there by a month. Hope all goes well...no other places have called me back so I'm counting on this. Wish me luck. Have a wonderful day everyone!
xoxoxox
|
|
Comments: Add Your Own.
|
|
Wednesday, August 7th, 2002
|
|
|
There are only a few weeks of Summer left...weird. It was so much fun, but went by way too fast. The festival we played at on Sunday was amazing. We played in front of a ton of people and sold about 50 CDs! Wohoo! We might be playing another smaller festival in Manchester, NH on the 24th. This is the day I move but I guess we can play anytime of the day so that will probably work out. I'm cleaning out so much crap out of my room, and still looking for a job up here. My mom is moving to Maine...Uggghh...everything is changing so fast. I haven't even met this boyfriend she is with yet, but I guess I don't want to either. It sounds pretty mean but there are a lot of reasons.
Everyday I thank God for the awesome guy I have in my life. I couldn't ask for more. He helps me through so much...especially lately where everything is going crazy in my life. I don't know what I would do without him. I'm the happiest I've ever been. <3 <3 <3
Time to get to bed. Christopher has to work at 10am tomorrow. Oil change for me, and hanging out with Hamel in the mean time till I pick him up at 2. Off to Beverly to clean some more stuff out and close my band account. Thursday I'll open a new account at Webster Five or something, and maybe I can get a new pair of Saucony's! Weeee! Goodnight everyone. <3
|
|
Comments: Read 4 or Add Your Own.
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
xstreetspiritx's journal
tired.
lonely.
restless.
hungry.
blank.
blah.
cold.
thoughtful.
numb.
silly.
thankful.